Polterpants

Lol..Polterpants...

Ghosts...revenants...whatever you want to call them, there are a lot of them, all over the world. They come in 100's of different styles with elastic bands, straps or animal print.

A ghost, for the purposes of the first section, will be defined as the spirit of a dead person returned to some sort of physical or semi-physical form.

Let's start with the Western varieties;

Ghost A: someone who has died but retains a partial consciousness, perhaps just a single or several memories and replays those memories over and over. The so called "loop ghost." This type is characterized by repetition of behaviors, a translucent form and may or may not cause a variety of physical disturbances such as electrical problems, cold spots, and bangings and clatterings.

RATING: "Dad's boxers." Normal, average and while they would fit

you, probably best not to try them on>

Ghost B: (AKA The Poltergeist) Someone who has died by nefarious means, a sudden or violent death etc...normally goes without any type of physical form.

Characterized by dangerous behaviors; setting things on fire, screamings, breaking household (or other location) items.

RATING: "Plain Trunks." Interesting, well fitting but not practical unless you're biking...and that's too much like work..

Ghost C: Orb

Presumably, the spirit of a deceased person. Orbs here, could refer to the living spirit of a place, and object or flora/fauna. This is easily the most harmless type of ghost. They make no noise, and cause no disturbances. They simply float around in a specific place. Some "orbs" are larger, and can apparently travel great distances at alarming speeds. There is an interconnection here between UFO sightings, spirits of the dead and fairy folklore. All of these things have been known to manifest as "orbs."

RATING: "Your Novelty Boxers." Fun, modern, cute...purchased for you by a relative or your partner.

There are a number of different words for ghost in the Western world:

apparition · specter · phantom · wraith · shadow · manifestation · chimera · image · bodach · duppy · spook · phantasm · shade · wight · visitant · eidolon · manes

Most of these refer to Ghost types A or B. The oldest reference being "manes", from the Latin word for "household protecting spirit." The most dangerous of which being the "wight;" said to be a returned form of a dead person but which haunts graveyards and engages in necrophagy. There are slight differences of course; the "shade" having the form of human being but it behaves more like an orb.

Overall, I give Western ghosts in general a

RATING of "Mass Produced Boxers"...sometimes nice to look at, but I certainly would never wear them unless I had some sort of unplanned, laundry day emergency"

For our 2nd section we're going to into Eastern/Asian ghosts. And man are they the 5 inch elastic waistbands of supernatural activity!

So you know, Asian ghosts don't fit into neat categories and are sometimes not even dead humans! They are thought of as part of the larger supernatural world. A Japanese Yurei, for example, is also considered a Yokai and/or a Kami.

It appears to be a shift in consciousness from West to East, when considering the supernatural. Many Asian cultures from Ancient Egypt all the way modern day Tokyo view things in terms of neither "good" nor "bad", neither wholly benevolent for destructive. Also, in referencing these entities, the vocabulary used is similarly centrist.

Ghost D; (the general terms) Ghost D can have a wide range of forms, behaviors and sizes. From the Netjer or Shaw of Ancient Egypt, to the Djinn of Semitic lore, to the Guai Wu of China to the Yokai of Japan. Ghost D are sometimes the spirits of the dead, in other cases foreign spiritual entities, nature spirits or what some might consider minor deities. There are a few common elements; 1. they all have magical abilities, 2. they are all generally immortal, 3. they are shape-shifters. As above, our Japanese Yurei might take the form of a bedraggled, old woman, a beautiful young person or even a fox, crane or snake. Depending on the individual case, this yurei can be viewed as the spirit of a deceased person or the spirit of an animal. RATING: (Well, first let me say that I absolutely love these ghosts! They are much more complex and interesting than the Western varieties.)

I give Ghost D a rating of "perfectly fitting boxer briefs with offset colors!"

Ghost E (specifically human dead)

In Asia there are a few different varieties of the specifically dead. They can return as haunting spirits, full bodied (solid but deathly pale blue/green) ghosts, as "undead" or as animals. The haunting spirits appear much like Western ghosts, translucent, floating figures with skulls for faces or simply gaunt, pale things. The full-bodied variety are ghostly in the sense that they do not require sustenance or the undead assortment in the case of the Ghul of Arabia or the Jiang Xi of China that must feed on the living or non-animate corpses to sustain themselves. In the case of animals; they are dead humans, but their spiritual energy is such that they have the ability to shape-shift into animal forms. Ghost E is sentient and born of a great desire (normally for revenge.) (For reference, see "The Grudge" or The Ring)

RATING: I award Ghost E my highest honor; Ghosterpants!!!!

Ghost F; (the hungry ones)

Per Buddhist teachings, there is a type of ghost (specifically human dead) that exist both in their own realm (a type of hell) and sometimes also in this world. These are humans who led lives of greed and avarice. They are then remanded to punishment after their death into the realm of Hungry Ghosts. In this place, they try to eat and drink but cannot feel sated. When the Hungry Ghosts are in this world, they too must resort to necrophagy as in the case of Ghul or Jiang Xi, they are distinct, I might mention by their inability to satisfy their hunger and thirst.

RATING: "Hell Pants, with matching t-shirt"

(Incidentally, I would give the same rating to their jailers, the Oni, but as they are almost always depicted as wearing loincloths of some variety, there is a special rating just for them)

Ghost G (ancestors)

All across Asia there are many ideas and stories of 'returning ancestors.' Each year, around the end of summer/beginning of fall there are lavish ceremonies to welcome them, passify them and entreat them for favors. They are, if certain ppl I know here in China NOT considered "ghosts" proper but more like angels...without the pomp. Common and wealthy households set up altar tables, make offerings of food and incense (and other things...which I will cover in another entry) and light lanterns to guide them back to their family home as well as rites to guide them back to the land of the dead.

I want to mention here that Ghost G is the type of ghost taken most seriously in Asian countries. Other ghosts are viewed as fearful to ignorable...ignorable given circumstance...afterall, if one does not live by the sea...then one need not fear a Funarei!

RATING: I give Ghost G a rating of "Happy Chinese New year boxers"

(I won't lie...I've been in China a very long time and their underwear is...well...not really underwear at all...it's made to fit very fat men...so if you are thin, it loses it's shape after one wash...essentially useless...however, as a symbol...versus a reality...it certainly encapsulates the award for Ghost G.)

Alright that's it, I've been working on this one post for 5 hours...enough!!