From my cold, dead deckhands

Welcome to Afterpants. This blog was created for the purpose of discussing the afterlife, things supernatural and dark...with a bit of humor thrown in. The idea is that I will discuss a specific afterlife, within the framework of rating it as one would with any other product. For example:

Afterlife: Christian

Geography: 2 types; A. "heaven" and B "hell";

A. Clouds...presumably blue skies otherwise. "Streets paved with gold"

B. Fiery Caverns. Darkness...stalactites?

Funerary practices (in direct correlation ) Last rites...absolution of sin.

Permanence: Yes. Whether A. or B. You're stuck there forever.

Reincarnation? Currently no, though this used to be a standard teaching of the early church.

Authors commentary: The Christian afterlife, while appealing to some, seems rather monotonous . Either you're hanging out on a cloud all singing the praises of what would appear to be a sadistic, murderous and "jealous god" (his words not mine) or you are cast down, to be punished forever for not allowing said god to save you from what he will do to you if you don't let him save you. No wifi, no alcohol, no underwear....

Rating: I give the Christian afterlife a rating of "Grampas Boxers." They're big, old, virtually useless and probably smell like liniment.